The Seven Film Itch

As we count down the last hours of 2013, I have a short list of films I have seen and so far failed to review — or whatever that thing is that I do when I write about the films I have seen. I set myself the challenge of writing about each and every film I saw this year in a cinema (no counting the airline films or the ones I might have caught on TV or on the internet), and with these seven we are up to 35 for the year, which is not a bad score, I must say. So let’s just get these last seven out of the way, shall we? And I’m sure we’ll do it with our usual attention to detail and comprehensiveness.

Philomena
A lovely story of a faithful and humourless woman who recruits a jaded and sarcastically funny journalist to help her track down the son she had to give up for adoption as a young unmarried girl. The contrast between the characters couldn’t have been more striking, and the journalist’s coming to care about the story and his subject couldn’t have been more moving. They almost dragged a whole other movie into the mix when we found out what the son had done and what had happened to him.

Out in the Dark
I saw this at Image et nation, our LGBT film festival. An Israeli production, I was a bit worried about possible pinkwashing in this boy-boy version of the old Romeo and Juliette tale. I needn’t have worried about that. Yes, the Palestinian family (and the community around them) are rather homophobic, but there is a kind of sinister “use and discard” approach taken by shadowy Israeli intelligence operators with respect to the gay Palestinians they run into that is itself deeply homophobic. And just like real life, nobody’s really happy at the end.

Freier Fall
A second film at Image et nation! (I’m so bad at getting myself out the door to see films in this festival that it is well worth underlining my success in doing that this year.) This time around, these police trainees are indeed from the same ethnic background, but we are seized with the complicating factor of a pregnant wife who finds herself in the middle. Nobody ends up happy here, either, but some of the characters were so little developed that we don’t really understand why or what motivated them.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
I’m as geeky as the next guy (only because the next guy is the friend with whom I go to most of these movies), but I have to say that when I heard that The Hobbit was being turned into no fewer than three films, I thought it was just the extreme manifestation of Hollywood trying to milk what they could from the fans of the story. I, and probably most of the other Tolkein fans, would be happy to sit and watch the whole thing in one giant movie, but we shall have to content ourselves with playing them back to back when they’re all out on DVD or Blu-Ray. As it is, I loved the depictions of those creatures that remain familiar, despite the fact of my last having read the books in my youth, the scenery is fabulous and there is just enough humour — even a little sex appeal — to fire one up on all cylinders. But even after more than two and a half hours, I still felt that this segment of the story was only half told. Four films, maybe?

Nebraska
I’m afraid I did my best in the viewing of this film to emulate the habits of the father character, falling asleep with great and unpredictable regularity! Don’t blame it on the film, though, but on my exhausted state just before the holiday sleeping in time. What I did see (I kid…I saw much of it!) was quite a touching account of an elderly man bamboozled by promotional materials into believing that he is the winner of a big prize (you know the kind: you have won…a chance to win) and the decision of his son to accompany him on the trip to claim his prize. Spectacular views of dying communities and people with long and convoluted memories of each other, plus the strange state of the children who have left all that and come back as visitor-strangers, something I find rather familiar to my own experiences visiting my old hometown. You will love what the son does for his father after the unsuccessful prize claiming and leave smiling.

Inside Llewyn Davis
The friend I went with to this film kidded me at the beginning that it was before I was born…but she was wrong! Must be my youthful looks, right? And speaking of youthful looks…Oscar Isaac should drop everything and come marry me. Or I’ll go marry him because it’s now legal there, too. This has nothing to do with the movie, but maybe everything to do with how I could have warm feelings toward a character who is chronically unsuccessful in his folk music career (hey, it was the early sixties, not such an oxymoron back then), couch surfs well before the term is invented, leaves behind a series of unwanted pregnancies and can’t even abandon his music career well. Still kinda liked him at the end, and that folk music can be catchy if it’s sung right… Also of note, some big name small parts, including John Goodman, Justin Timberlake and Adam Driver (Adam in HBO’s Girls, in case the image didn’t spring right into your mind).

12 Years a Slave
I needed to see this, although my usual movie buddies were not hot on prioritizing it in the run up to the holidays. I will not fall into that awful mess of what some noted commentators have been saying in the US — that now they understand why slavery was bad. Really? I think I knew that already. The violence and the attitudes of the slave owners are all there in their disturbing reality, but there were two things that really haunt me from this film (saw it earlier today, so it’s fresh): the passivity of the acceptance of the situation by most of the white characters, and the feeling of guilt that I got on behalf of the main character as he was being rescued from his slavery by the sheriff and a friend from the north, leaving behind all the others, who would probably pay for his freedom with their own pain and blood. “How could he do that?” I wanted to ask, knowing that the answer was “How could he not?”

So that’s my year in cinema. Thirty-five films in fifty-two weeks. Not bad for an amateur.

Past Shop

 A little consumer rant for today? Well, you’re getting it anyway!

I was oh so proud of myself and giddy with anticipation. On December 25th I decided to take the plunge and buy a new washer and dryer for myself, replacing the small apartment-sized ones a friend gave to me when he moved out of town that had themselves been purchased used. You see, I have had some problems of late with the washer (sometimes I have to help it work up to the final spin so as not to end up with clothes that I had to wring out and dry forever) and with the dryer (a scary noise that has made me reluctant to use it again for a couple of weeks now).

A chance e-mail from a retailer about their fabulous end of year sales (I’ll leave you to guess which retailer that might be) and I fell upon a lovely duo of front-loading machines (not as novel for the dryer as for the washer) in what they described as “liquid silver”. Fabulous! I called my Dad to see if he thought the pedestals were necessary (they are just storage drawers; he said no) and then I placed my order online. I even called them part way through the order to ask about the recycling option (take away my old machines for a fee and recycle them) and after much searching on their part, I was told that that could be worked out once I got my delivery notice. “Fine!” thought I, and proceeded to the checkout, where I was greeted with the usual credit card options and a flashy “PayPal now accepted” button. I went for the PayPal, which charges my credit card when I make a purchase, but it was marginally easier, having only the password to fill out and having my delivery information automatically supplied to the retailer. I went to bed dreaming of my lovely new machines and oh, the laundry I’d be doing!

The next day, I woke up to the delivery notice e-mail, proposing the last day of my time off as the delivery date, which suited me just fine. It was also my opportunity to work out the details on that recycling option. Not having a car (or a truck) or being physically capable of wrestling my old appliances down my stairs to be trashed by the city’s large item garbage collection, this recycling thing was a truly necessary part of the whole deal, and it promised to make me feel better about the disposition of the old machines, even if not actually certain they would be re-used or taken apart for their useful components.

The e-mail had little clickable buttons, including one for the recycling option, additional fee of $30 per item. Fine! I clicked for naught. It seems that the link brings up a “mail to” window which doesn’t really work when one uses webmail exclusively. Never mind! There’s a helpful toll-free number to call — all will surely be worked out!

Are you beginning to suspect that all did not work out? Clever you! The first person on the phone brought up the file of my transaction and sadly announced to me that I couldn’t choose the recycling option because I had paid by PayPal.

Me: “What? How about if I pay for the recycling in a second transaction, on my credit card if you prefer?”

Customer “service” rep: “Sorry, but our system won’t allow me to do that.”

(A couple more tries on my part to work that out, to no avail, then I asked for the supervisor.)

Supervisor: “Sorry, but our system won’t allow me to do that.”

Me: “You’re going to throw away a $2,000 sale for a $60 recycling fee that I’m offering to pay for on my credit card?”

Supervisor: “There’s nothing I can do about that. The system won’t allow it.”

So a rigid system trumps a sale. Let’s just say that the sale is now cancelled. And while they managed to charge my credit card (through PayPal) within hours of my placing the order, the refund will take up to a week, and maybe a few more days before it appears in my credit card account. The quick automated call about how satisfied I was with my exchanges with customer service probably won’t be earning anyone a bonus this year, either.

My dreams of getting this accomplished during the holiday break are over, and my motivation to do the preparation for having these new appliances in my apartment has evaporated. Don’t even let me remember that this is the same retailer that I had to visit several times to accomplish the purchase of a television a few years ago, even ending up with a radio (there was no picture) the first time around.

So bah humbug to you — uh — Past Shop!

PRAS3 5-8: Hoods, Homer, Hollywood and … Bloggers

Continuing my catch-up with Project Runway All Stars season 3…

Episode 5: Bonnie & Clyde • Guest judges: PR alumnus Austin Scarlett (replacing Georgina Chapman), supermodel Bar Rafaeli and designer Elie Tahari

Uh-oh! Teams of two! Male models too! Yet another commercial tie-in has our contestants designing outfits for the TV mini-series Bonnie & Clyde. One half of the team will be responsible for Bonnie’s outfit, the other for Clyde’s and the designs should be fashion forward (duh!) yet rooted in the 1930s (huh?). The additional prize for the winner: outfit to be worn in the miniseries and a screen credit to the designer! A schoolyard pick comes down to the last two: Korto and Elena. The latter is convinced that people are still afraid of her “former” self and her temper while the former is pleased to be able to offer a calming influence to her. We’ll see how that works out.

Well, in fact it does seem to work, as the drama all comes from boy town. Jeffrey flies off the handle because his model seems to have spent the whole year since his measurements were last taken working out and bulking up and is too muscly for the coat J has made. He swears, he stomps out of the room, and then he’s back. The difference between Jeffrey and Elena becomes clear: he is quick to apologize and get back to work. She ought to have taken notes on that instead of snickering that his team’s looks were all wrong for the challenge.

It always fascinates me to see how thrown the designers are by having to make menswear. They struggle, some claim to have a lot of experience with it, and then they inevitably end up making good pants and then shirts with horrible uneven collars. Considering that the shirt is usually only showing at the collar, you might want to focus on making that bit work, no? I suppose it is clear that I am not a tailor or a designer, as I have no appreciation of how difficult this seemingly simple garment is to make. Oh, and it seems like half of the men weren’t allowed to wear socks! Is this because they were not available on the accessory wall, or that they would have had to have been made by the designer to make it to the runway? Mystery.

It ended up coming down to the menswear: Jeffrey and his terrible neck and hand tattoos take it with the really beautiful coat and nice pants, and Mychael is out, not because he can’t spell Michael, but because his shiny copper tweed jacket was too short- and tight-looking to evoke the sense of elegance we look for in a serial robber and killer. Now I will have to fire up the recorded version of that mini-series to look for Jeffrey’s credit. I will, however, miss Mychael and his good temperedness and design skills.

Episode 6: A Date with Homer • Guest judges PR alumnus Anthony Ryan Auld (replacing Georgina Chapman), actress Abigail Breslin and designer Stacey Bendet

An original challenge this time out: Marge Simpson (yes, the beloved cartoon character) needs a dress for a dinner date with her husband. She is expecting that there will even be table service and no cafeteria trays, and wants a dress that will come off easily in hopes that Homer will be in the mood at the end of the evening! The winning design will actually be drawn into the cartoon this season, with a credit to the designer. And the funny bit: Marge tells the contestants to use accessories from the “who’s ever sponsoring the wall now wall”. Ouch, QVC.

There were a few odd things happening this time out. Viktor seemed to be blaming Christopher for his having been in the bottom in the previous challenge, and avoided him, which sent Christopher into a bit of a tailspin. It didn’t help that he was also having trouble wrapping his head around having a cartoon character for a client, yet sewing for a real model. By far the craziest was Seth Aaron (I can’t believe we have to use both of those names, despite their not being hyphenated!). He kept starting over and ended up walking his sixth dress attempt down the runway, after spending all of two hours making it (he was cagey with the judges on that point).

What was nice to see, however, was that Irina took up some additional space. Despite all of the dire predictions of drama from Christopher in episode 1, there has been nothing of the sort from Irina. She has been steadily producing quality garments and otherwise keeping herself out of the bickering and crying and screaming. It was delightful to see her dress win this challenge, and even to get a sneak peek of Marge wearing it at the end of the episode. Lovely work.

The person probably most annoyed by the result was Jeffrey, who went from last week’s win to a loss, and a loss to someone who had basically flung some fabric over his model and added a belt to it, spending all of two hours on this “creation”. Still, there was no excusing the dishevelled look of his dress, and no explaining why he chose bright orange shoes for the model to wear with the light purple dress. A real eyesore. Good-bye neck tattoos (except for that star on Seth Aaron’s neck)….

Episode 7: Red Carpet Mama • Guest judges: PR alumnus Mondo Guerra (replacing Georgina Chapman), QVC program host Lisa Robertson and actress Elizabeth Moss

Everything was dramatic this week! It started with the trip to get the assignment…at QVC headquarters in Westchester Pennsylvania…in helicopters! And there was a boys’ helicopter and a girls’ helicopter to boot. The assignment was to design a red carpet look for QVC program host Lisa Robertson to wear at an event in LA…sketching in the broadcast studio at QVC before being whisked back to New York to work.

Another bit of drama that touches closer to my heart, as Viktor, agonizing to the point of everyone noticing something was wrong with him, finally asks Elena and Seth Aaron to come talk to him, announcing that he is HIV-positive and has been for seven years (i.e.: through his whole previous PR experience). Only his partner knows, and now Elena and Seth Aaron. As groundbreaking as this is in the life of any person, it is not new territory for Project Runway, after Mondo Guerra came out as poz in the fabric challenge in his original season, and to the judges, to boot. What was truly moving, though, was Elena’s and Seth Aaron’s reactions, as they drew close to assure him of their support, and nobody seems to have blabbed either. While he may have announced his news to those two and to all of us because it was on camera, it was important for me to show that the others involved in the show went on as though they didn’t have that knowledge. Telling who I choose to tell is not a license to tell anyone else on my behalf. Bravo to Viktor for his courage. Well-handled by the show.

Interesting that Mondo Guerra just happened to be sitting in for Georgina Chapman for this “coming out” episode.

Less bravo (I guess that can’t really be said that way, but whatevs) to Zanna for her “mentoring” job. She visits the workroom, announcing on her entry that she doesn’t want to see any jewel-toned strapless gowns, but got exactly that when she visited her first contestant, Christopher. She snaked her way around the room and then paused before leaving to tell the group that nothing she had seen was all-star quality and any of them could be going home. Supportive much?

We also got to see the less desirable side of Irina, as she pinned the blame for the ripping of her dress on her model, despite the fact that it ripped several times when it was in her own hands. Tch-tch-tch! That made it a bit easier to say good-bye to her at the end, after Korto had been awarded the win for a “gown” that didn’t look very gownlike to me.

It occurred to me that they are really spreading the wins around this time. I don’t think anyone has actually won twice. I wonder if that’s on purpose? It also occurred to me that Georgina has now been absent for three consecutive episodes, saving my delicate ears from hearing Ms. Milano’s terrible French pronunciation. Brava Georgina!

Episode 8: Bloggers • Guest judges: PR alumnus Christian Siriano (replacing Georgina Chapman), Nina Garcia of Marie Claire [and the real PR] and Francisco Costa of Calvin Klein

Yay! Nina Garcia! So delightful to have her on this episode, not only as the setter of the task, but also as a judge. Nobody can produce a cutting comment like Nina. But first the task: to design a coming trend, and to use the 2014 Pantone colour of 2014 — Radiant Orchid. [Never mind that Ms. Milano later calls it Wild Orchid..why is she on this show again?] The lovely extra prize with this challenge is a video with Nina Garcia for the Style Hall web site and a gift package from Pantone worth $10,000, including 3 nights at the Pantone Hotel in Brussels. But wait there’s more! Nina has chosen five influential fashion bloggers who will be both muse and model to the designers. Another schoolyard pick….

Elena’s temper is beginning to rear its head. She notices that everyone is now using neoprene, which she was doing — like — three years ago, so they’re all just a big bunch of copycats. She manages to restrain helself from attacking them and expresses this opinion only in the diary/side interview segment. She persists, however, in her cloying lack of confidence in herself, which is beginning to annoy the judges, too.

And here is why Nina should be on every show. The lace on Christopher’s dress looks “…like seaweed that has come out of a swamp.” He thanks her. She adds “That’s not a compliment.” And he can’t leave well enough alone, adding “I didn’t take it as a compliment.” Meow!

Korto comes away with the win — the first repeat winner, and they are back-to-back and near the end, so she has to be feeling rather good about her chances. Viktor, alas, is the one who doesn’t make it, and he doesn’t answer the winner’s query as to who he might pass the fan to. We think we are so clever to notice these things, but we are not alone.

PRAS3 Episodes 1-4: Punk Bugs Drinking in School

I’m totally stretching here by mashing the episodes together, and my title is just the first indicator of that. But what can a person do when he is so very far behind in the commenting?

Episode 1: Punk • Guest judge: Debbie Harry, of Blondie

Wow! You really know you’ve “arrived” when a world for which you would have had no respect in your own heyday reaches out to [mis]appropriate your movement for its own evil purposes. It helps that many of the contestants were born well after the fading of many of the iconic punk bands, so they are really to be counted on as the experts in parading punk down a runway.

The biggest hardship — to make them really understand what it might have been like to be a disaffected youth — is that they had to work (brace yourself!) in the basement of Mood. Oh, the humanity! It’s enough to drive a fragile manic-depressive to tears and cries of anguish. Oh, there you are Elena. What a totally brilliant idea to do what your model said and turn the jacket around for her to wear it backward. Now take credit for the idea and move along. The rest of us will be counting the times you accuse others of not using their own original ideas.

Ari goes home for not really getting what punk is.

Episode 2: Insects and Arachnids • Guest judges: jewelry designer Jennifer Meyer and PR9 winner Anya Ayoung Chee

The designers meet Ms. Milano at the American Museum of Natural History, which is preparing to open an exhibit called “The Power of Poison”. While this includes a number of venomous insects and arachnids, several others among the collection that will serve as the inspirations to the designers didn’t seem all that poisonous to me. But they were icky and crawly, so we got to have little screams and contorted faces from many of these “professionals”. They sketch with their bugs, which later join them in the work room, still firmly in their glass containers. Oh yeah, and it’s the avant-garde challenge, so go wild.

After having won last week, Elena now draws attention to herself by “losing” her sketch while they are shopping at Mood. Surely this means a total disaster and the world is over! Cry it out, Elena! Rant and rave a bit, too! And Zanna Roberts Rassi really seems to be on a different wavelength from that of the judges. She advises people they are being too literal, resulting in changes that make the judges ask why they were not more reflective of their bugs. Because they were listening to the dizzy blonde “mentor”. And while we’re critiquing the cast…Ms. Milano had some kind of creepy mascara spill at the sides of her eyes that made me want to spit on a Kleenex and dab away, and then she reacted to Jeffrey’s hooded model by saying that the hood looked like it belonged in the bedroom…”Oops” Too much information!”

In the end Mychael wins for having turned his “too literal” version of the hornworm inside out to make it cocoon-y and Daniel and his little moustache go home for being too fake effusive literal with the design based on a vinegaroon, but with a giant swath of fabric as a train.

Episode 3: Cocktails! • Guest judges: designer Rebecca Minkoff and interior designer Nate Berkus

The contestants go to a hip and trendy bar! But yes, it turns out to be a challenge, as they find Ms. Milano there handing out the task. Each is to choose a creation by cocktail “architect” Yousef and then make — what else? — a cocktail dress inspired by it. At least one designer orders the virgin version of the cocktail, while others get tipsy and sketch crooked. But first some innuendo, as Korto’s drink has some candied ginger on the rim, and Jeffrey can’t stop himself from shouting out “Taste the rim”, which Korto does sensuously, then toasting Jeffrey as the next to choose. Viktor attempts to flirt with the bartender — er — cocktail architect (pictured below), but gets nowhere but tipsy.

At the critique, Zanna announces the twist to the competition — after all, what goes better with a cocktail [dress] than a twist? Each of them must also make an accessory to accompany their dress down the runway. I loved Korto’s response to that, as she said that if she didn’t have time for the accessory she would just stick a straw in her model’s mouth and say “Work it baby”. She was really on for this episode, except for that horrible print she chose, of course.

Perhaps as a consolation for striking out with “Tiger Eyes” Yousef and in spite of his dress threatening to flap open to reveal hidden treasures, Viktor gets the win. Melissa’s dress, which we have seen from her before, but not in pink velvet, gets her a ticket home.

Epidsode 4: School ‘em! • Guest judges: actress Gabourey Sidibe and actor Michael Urie

When the contestants are told to wait outside Parsons for their ride, they aren’t expecting what rolls up: a classic yellow school bus. This turns some of them into children again, while Korto tells a cute story about how jealous her daughter will be (she wants to ride a school bus) and Christopher retreats into terrible memories of having been bullied. When they arrive at PS212 — an actual school — Ms. Milano is delighted to tell them that this is the unconventional challenge. Four minutes to full their provided backpacks with all of the materials they can find in a designated classroom at this arts-oriented elementary school. These are the usual type of school supplies that have nothing to do with fabric and everything to do with gluing and cutting things up.

Here’s where Elena shares with Viktor her idea of breaking up rulers into geometric shapes to adorn her dress. Viktor takes that further and ends up making a dress that almost looks like fur, there are so many slivers of ruler attached to the dress. We hear Elena complaining that it isn’t fair, that he stole her idea and took credit for it, maybe like she did with her model’s idea back in episode 1, when she won. She doesn’t make any official complaints, but you know it is stored in there for future tantrums.

The other notable moment comes when Isaac Mizrahi shares with the other judges that he feels manipulated by Christopher’s terrible memories of being bullied, which is completely fair. After all, who is going to stand up and vote for someone else’s dress in the face of such a compelling story?

Well, that little rebellion was neatly put down, as Christopher gets the win. In a surprise move (making room for a double elimination in the future?), none of the bottom three is sent home.

The Players — Catching Up on Project Runway All Stars 3

Can we tell I now have some time off work to catch up on some things that I have missed? This week, it’s Project Runway All Stars 3, of which no fewer than eight (8!) episodes have aired to total silence on my part. I will obviously not be going into great detail, episode by episode, but I should be able to rustle up some reactions to what I am seeing play out before me on the screen.

Host for this season of PRAS3: Alyssa Milano. Who knew that she is a fabulous designer in her own right…certainly not I! Let me just say that we get treated to her inability to pronounce simple French words EVERY WEEK, because the other judges have swung some kind of deal where they get their current and recent work promoted on every episode as they are introduced. Sadly for us, the recent work of Georgina Chapman for Marchesa includes a fragrance — Parfum d’extase — which Ms. Milano pronounces “Par foom de excess”. It makes me die a little inside each time I hear it.

Oh, and I am NOT done with her yet. The other striking thing she does each week is the thing she doesn’t do. She doesn’t go give the eliminated designer the little two-cheek kiss that we are used to from Heidi Klum on the real PR. No, Ms. Milano is too good for the designers and offers but a little wave from her stool over next to the other judges. I think mostly she is in this for all the outfits she gets to wear, at least two or three new ones per episode.

The regular judges each episode are Georgina Chapman and Isaac Mizrahi, and Zanna Roberts Rassi serves as “mentor” to the designers, albeit in a much more hands off way than Tim Gunn does it. In fact, she only drops by for a critique each episode, not more.

So who are the all stars?

Viktor Luna (season 9) I always liked this shy-ish understated guy who consistently produced very polished looks without being [too] nasty to the others. He has become much more camp, though, which comes with a touch of bitchy and a fan, which he snaps open and closed to make points and flutters coyly to give himself some air. He also has a tendency to wear awful short pants, which I could do without.

Mychael Knight (season 3) I didn’t watch season 3, or if I did it was hellishly long ago. Long enough ago that you would think this guy might be able to let go of his bitterness at having come second — but no! At least his bitterness is drowned in an overwhelming good-naturedness and sweet charm. I may have to track down season 3 and watch it!

Daniel Esquivel (season 11) I never did like Daniel’s tiny moustache, but at least he seems to have given up on waxing and curling it even smaller. The “positive spin” he tries to put on everything that comes his way ends up ringing false, which rubs me the wrong way. He tries to give Viktor a run for his money in the terrible short pants department, and actually wears something that looks like short pyjama bottoms with big polka dots out in public to Mood. For shame!

Korto Momolu (season 5) Totally sure I have never seen season 5, but this woman seems very solid and nice, until she opens her mouth and starts name dropping. I do not like a name dropper! She will also not be alone in this.

Elena Slivnyak (season 10) We might remember Elena as the total crazy whack job from her season, but she starts out this time by telling us she is “chill” and taking yoga classes. Then she comes back to remind us that if she is attacked she will fight back (there’s the Elena we know). Wild mood swings bring her to tears and a breakdown almost every episode, which must be rather taxing on her colleagues. Strategy, maybe?

Melissa Fleis (season 10) What can you say about a blond goth punk? Her dark perspective always seemed a little off to me, but she mostly held her own in some of the team competitions, despite some — uh — disruptive influences. She lets us know that she thinks this will be “round two” with Elena. Fun, fun, fun.

Christopher Palu (season 10) This guy is so very soft-spoken that you won’t believe him when he says he’s back to “sew stitches and cut bitches”. Perceptive, though: “Elena…she’s so crazy, she’s out of her mind”

Ari South (season 8) We saw her as Andy South when she was on before — she has transitioned and lives as a woman now, but remains a designer. Who knew that not everything changed when you transition? Seriously, though, it is interesting to see a talented designer go through a tumultuous period in her personal life to come back at the same level of accomplishment in her field.

Then dear Ms. Milano notes that there only seem to be eight of them. Surely not enough! So she introduces three returning winners:

Jeffrey Sebelia (season 3) Okay, I may just have watched season 3 after all, because I remember being perturbed by this guy’s neck tattoo. He still has it. It is still perturbing. He also knows Mychael is not happy to see him, but his superior attitude allows him to laugh that off.

Irina Shabayeva (season 6) Really didn’t see season 6. Christopher remembers her as “tight [with a motion pulling back the facial skin] and catty [with the claws out]”. He predicts fireworks between Irina and Elena, but she looks so together I can’t see her getting dragged into the crazy. We’ll see.

Seth Aaron Henderson (season 7) Also didn’t see this season, but I zoom in on yet another neck tattoo, even if it is much more understated than Jeffrey’s. Why is he back? “I don’t care about the money, I want the double title”.

For all the amazing success that everyone says they have — and they all name-drop without exception — it’s odd that I have only ever heard of any of them through this show. But then again, I am neither a star needing free outfits for the red carpet or my next show nor a stalwart of the fashion industry. I’ll bring my whole portfolio of non-knowledge to my commentary on the show, I promise.

Marketing, Canada Post Style

So Canada Post, in a surprisingly unsurprising move, has decided to raise prices, reduce service and shed staff. That must be good for the economy, right? I thought I would dig back into my memories of my marketing class to provide my own cynical interpretation of their plan. Now my marketing class taught me about three “P”s (product, price and placement), but the Canada Post plan has FIVE points, so I might need to get a little creative…

1. Packages

Point one on the Canada Post list is actually community mailboxes, but then their video goes on to talk about how people are ordering more things online and want them to be delivered to their homes. Those packages are only coming to our homes after we go get them, either from the “convenient” group mailbox located somewhere in the neighbourhood or at a retail postal outlet, more than likely a subcontractor who can manage to pay lower wages… But more about those things later. For this point, they will have to be banking on our desire to opt for “home-adjacent” or “home-proximate” delivery instead of choosing one of those private companies that will actually still come to our door to deliver, and even come back if we’re not there the first time.

2. Price

One of the original “P”s! But I’m not sure that the “P” I learned about was about increasing the price of a letter by almost 35% in one fell swoop while broadening the delivery area to the “adjacent” or “proximate” that I mentioned in the first point. Less is more, right? So less service ought to be worth more money. You just have to love logic.

3. Profiteers

They claim that opening more franchise outlets is all about making things more convenient for us all. The franchise outlets are located in businesses that are not bound by the collective agreements that Canada Post signs with the union representing its employees. I still remember my first experience of having missed a parcel delivery many years ago where the parcel was redirected to a franchise outside of my neighbourhood when there was an actual post office with employees earning a living wage and with benefits that was not only in my neighbourhood, but also physically closer. I’m sure that was all about the convenience to me, right? Oh, and the best part of this is the suggestion that it will simplify our lives because we can do our other shopping at the same time in the same place. Because filling my shopping bags is uppermost in my mind as I struggle under the weight of the packages from my multiple online purchases that wouldn’t fit in the community mailbox parcel section.

4. Productivity, or “people are not as good as machines”

Canada Post calls this one “streamlining” of their process, meaning that they hope to employ fewer people to run ever more sophisticated machines to sort and direct our mail. Oh, and they would also like to add to the carbon footprint they leave by having more vehicles out there delivering to those community mailboxes, instead of pesky letter carriers wasting time actually talking to people along their routes. Machines don’t chit-chat, or check in on lonely seniors, for that matter. Waste, waste, waste.

And then there’s this thing that I presume a machine did to this letter I recently got from all the way across town. By the looks of it and the fact that it took three days to make it across town, I would suspect if fell out of the machine or got caught in the efficient machinery for a while.

5. Personnel

Canada Post has always been such a leader on the labour relations front. They calculated the time it should take someone to go to the bathroom and reprimanded those who took longer. They installed cameras everywhere in their facilities (there are those machines better than people again) to watch their staff at all times. They went through a series of hiring scabs — er, replacement workers — during labour disputes and then they got the federal government to order workers back from a lock-out at conditions poorer than the employer’s last offer. Now, a lock-out is an employer decision, not a union job action, so I guess it just makes sense to punish the employees for that, right? The brilliant plan now is to take advantage of coming retirements to “only hire the staff we need” for the new, leaner, meaner services. Because cutting staff positions is always good for the economy, right?

If you want to see their lovely PR video on YouTube you can go here (I won’t be embedding that on my blog). Oh, but don’t expect to be able to share your point of view there, as comments have been disabled. Disagreement must not be very productive.