PR12E07: Shoes Make the Dress or Dress Makes the Shoes?

We start this week, as usual, with a little flashback to the previous episode, this time largely focused on the Tim Gunn Save of Justin. Most are highly positive (well, to not be would be ungracious, no?!), but Alexander and Bradon allow themselves to express some regret that it will no longer be available to save them. Bradon is so prescient in that thought! (But we’ll get to that.)

It’s all about shoes this week! Don’t get me wrong: I really don’t understand the shoe thing, with a couple of exceptions, but these designers are all shoe-crazy and focused on some of the strangest things as inspirations. They visit the Marie Claire magazine closet, which Kate calls “a library of shoes”. Uh, okay.

Anne Fullenwider (how unfortunate a name for someone in fashion, and doesn’t fit her look either) is the Editor-in-Chief of Marie Claire and talks about the importance of shoes. Some people, she opines, start their outfit choices with their shoes each day: will I be going to a power meeting, a lunch or a hot date? Apparently, shoes do not take out the garbage or go do the laundry, or at least fashion doesn’t. The choice of the shoes for the challenge comes down to a quiz, except for last week’s winner Alexandria, who gets to choose first. The others have to buzz in first with the correct answer to get their turn at the shoe library.

Miranda, who ends up coming last, moans that she wishes the questions were about wallpaper or photography…and then misses the obvious Wizard of Oz question. In fact, the last two shock and dismay their competitors all by missing the “little black dress” question, which will also turn out to be prescient by the end of the show.

Mood again (phew! 4th visit of 7 episodes), and we are treated to the dreadful spectacle of Tim allowing the little dog Swatch to lick his ear while he pretends to look for something down low. I am picturing some kind of fantasy revenge episode where Tim Gunn gets to make the judges humiliate themselves “for the sake of the show”. But we’ll get back to that at the end, too! (My, that’s a lot of projecting further into the article!) Oh, and worth noting here while we’re at mood: Miranda and Alexander both choose a predominantly red plaid with the intention of making pants out of them (they are slightly different). Everyone predicts a “battle of the plaids” and everyone is wrong.

Tired old phrases get trotted out for the critique: “It just looks inexpensive” “It makes her look old” “Who is she, where is she going?”. The best thing, though, is that the show has discovered how bitchy Ken can be in a most entertaining way. A sampling of this week’s comments to demonstrate why they will have to keep him to the end or bring him back as a guest judge/commentator in the future:

• “Bradon designed something for my great, great grandmother, in her casket.”
• “It looked like Amy Winehouse, after she OD’d.” (On Miranda’s model’s hair)
• “It’s time to bring out the knives and play the game like it used to be played.”
• “[Spoiler removed] is the winner. Her garment is old and I should definitely have taken it home.”

Oh, the other contestants give it a try as well:

• “Such a mess. It’s hideous.” (Jeremy on Bradon’s look)
• “I know Miranda and I have the same fabric, but Miranda your [bleep] is ugly. It’s a crazy mess.” (Alexander)
• “They’re gonna rip her for that hair.” (Helen on Miranda’s model’s hair.)

As judges, we have the usual suspects: Heidi, Zac and Nina. I have to say that I really liked the sheer shoulders on Heidi’s judging outfit (above). But we also have TWO guests: Kaley Cuoco (“Penny” from Big Bang Theory) and the aforementioned Anne Fullenwider (will Nina watch her mouth in the presence of her boss?). Let’s see what fin things they had to say about the designers on the bottom, by designer.

Jeremy’s tube skirt, shiny camisole and oversized faux cable sweater, done in chiffon like someone’s craft project gone wrong:

• “Does not look current or modern to me.” (Heidi, yawn)
• “Verges on trampy.” (Zac)

Also worth noting is that there was some disagreement on whether Jeremy was seeing Julia Roberts (Pretty Woman) in the thigh-high boots he chose. By some disagreement I mean that the judges all thought yes and he thought no.

Miranda’s plaid pants and polka dot top with a smaller white leather jacket over top, with shiny red flat shoes that looked like polished slippers:

• (Heidi notes that there are two similar plaids on the runway…and it didn’t help that one followed the other.)
• “Mix of 50’s and 60’s…I like the nerd alert, but it’s not kooky enough.” (Zac)
• “Where is the egg nog? Very Christmas, retro, but not in a good way.” (Nina)
• “It’s like she ran out of time at the top.” (Anne)

Bradon’s crumpled draped blouse with circle skirt and flats and — hey! — that’s our hapless model again, this time made up with a bobby-soxer pony tail. She really can’t catch a break!

• “You just went so tortured up here.” (Nina, indicating the breastal area)
• “Frumpy dumpy.” (Zac)
• “Looks like someone’s grandmother’s pillows.” (Anne)
• “It’s a bad bridesmaid’s dress.” (Kaley, trying desperately to get in on the bitchfest)

For the top three, the comments are expectedly more restrained, but we do get this gem from Zac on Alexandria’s look, which I’ll leave to his description: “Nightgown girl with the gladiator boots that walks down the streets of SoHo. It doesn’t wow me; feels a little pedestrian.”

The other fun part is after Ken describes his outfit as “maneater”, which Nina, Anne and Kaley all love. Anne adds that “maneater is a reptile” with reference to the texture of the fabric, and the only thing Zac can find wrong is the little disco purse. He thinks a maneater would confidently go forth without, expecting everything to be provided by the men who presumably want to be eaten by her.

The winner is Helen, surely not because Nina, Kaley and Anne all want to have it and wear it immediately. If Heidi wasn’t after it, it must have been because the “cape” or “capelet” (can somebody please clarify the line between the two? Must be length, right?) covers too much skin that might otherwise be exposed. Zac mixes up an adage to say that “simplicity is next to godliness.” I slap my forehead. If we refer back to the beginning of this article, I will now have to point out that the top three looks were little black dresses. Highly prescient comments at the beginning!

The other “I’m a designer, so I will use big words to show how smart I am, but I mix them up and end up looking a little off” moment award goes to Kate. She says her look is a “diversion” from what she usually does. I think she means “divergence” but then again, I speak English and she apparently speaks designer, so what do I know?

Oh yes. Miranda’s Christmassy plaid pants are her ticket home. Back to Milwaukee, where she will doubtless seek out Timothy the unicorn lover for consolation.

The preview for next week is promising for two reasons:

1. More humiliation for Tim as he is compelled to wear a referee outfit, complete with whistle (his revenge will be swee-eet, I’m sure!)
2. Michael Kors returns to guest judge and to try to wrest back his bitchy queen title from Zac. I’m sure they will both bring their best comments to the match!

Is My Camo Working?

Okay, let’s get this out of the way: fast zombies are scary! My whole hail a cab and get away within the speed limit plan to get away from your classic zombie would be completely useless and goodness knows I am unlikely to outrun this lot.

I liked the chaos that started this movie. Caught in a traffic jam, the lovely Brad Pitt family participated in the running of the zombies and worked their way through a few vehicles and hiding places before being lifted from the roof of a New Jersey apartment building and flown off the coast to where the UN fleet is gathered. (I knew there would be a “world government” sub-plot in this!) Brad himself is a former UN worker, a specialist in difficult situations, and is recruited to help track down the cause of the zombie-ism or a solution to it.

There’s a whole lot of very long distance flying in a rather old-looking plane (and without refuelling stops!) and encounters with sprightly zombies at every turn. Of course, the medical specialist is an early casualty, but who need microbiology when you have heroism? We learn early that if you haven’t turned within ten seconds you are unlikely to have been exposed, but also that almost nothing will kill the zombies (twitching finger in the ashes of a cleansing fire a little creepy.

And yes, plenty of “clutch pearls” moments where I obligingly did my part to amuse my cinema pal. He was getting the D-Box treatment from all sides, what with me jumping around and gasping and the woman behind him kicking the back of his seat in her own “clutch pearls” reaction. Additional amusement from the elderly gentleman who was having trouble finding his way out of the cinema and opened the door to the well-lit fire escape a couple of times. (He seemed more classically zombie slow, not fleet and intent like the ones in the movie, so that was giggle worthy.)

Israel had built a wall, which I guess they have an unfortunate penchant to do, and it kept the zombies out until some religious zealots used a too-loud sound system to sing some kind of prayer or hymn, attracting the clever zombies in droves, swarming in giant pyramids over the walls. Lesson: keep your religious zealotry on the down low or risk zombie attack! The Israeli solution seemed clever, if suspicious…how did they know in advance to get to work on that wall? (Explained away in the film as excessive caution in their security approaches.) The North Koreans don’t come off nearly as well, apparently having protected themselves by removing everyone’s teeth (no teeth, no bite!).

Back to the escape from Jerusalem. Our hero’s pilot proves to be a bit jumpy and takes off without his charge, forcing Brad to board a Belarusian jet and ask them to fly him to the nearest WHO lab in Wales. They’re off and all seems well. Well, don’t assume that things will go well, not when a sneaky zombie has hidden in a cupboard! Here we have the ultimate test of the level of security provided by that little curtain between first class and economy. It works quite well until the zombies (by now, all those in steerage have been converted) notice! There are some extreme measures to try to stop them, resulting in a terrible crash that only our hero, his Israeli army woman friend and a clever zombie strapped into the seat manage to survive. It’s a good thing that zombies don’t know about that lifting the flap to release the buckle thing!

They barely make it to the lab, and Brad is out for days. He dreams and puzzles about the zombies ignoring a couple of people in the overrunning of Jerusalem, developing a fabulous theory about infecting people with fatal (but curable) diseases as camouflage to get past the zombies without attracting attention! It seems zombie-ism is smart enough to avoid the sick in order to ensure that healthy bodies with help it propagate (not really how natural selection works, but hey, it’s Brad Pitt’s theory, so that has to carry some scientific weight, no?).

While Brad, the Israeli soldier and the lab director make their way through the zombie-overrun B wing of the facility to get to the infectious agents, we get to see another side of the zombies. When not being stimulated by noise or having obvious targets to chase and bite, they fall dormant. Or dormant-adjacent anyway. They are almost comical with their slight screams and jaw-chomping movements.

Will Brad’s solution work? Or will he accidentally inject himself with something incurable and die that way? I’ve already given away most of the story, so let’s leave that to your imagination. I do, however, wonder if my own HIV would be enough to protect me from those zombies, or is my undetectable viral load a curse in case of World War Z? I may lose sleep over that one.

In haiku format:

If zombies are fast,
I will be forced to join them,
unless my AIDS works

3 Movies 3 Haikus

I’m falling behind on my reviews! No choice but to challenge myself to review the last three films I have seen in the brief poetic form of the haiku. Good luck making heads or tails out of them!

Civilized forces
perpetrate heinous crimes while
outlaws make things right

Sequels should progress
in more than size of the cast.
But wait! Kick-ass abs!

A wheel in the air,
while below they make the tools
of their oppression

PR12E06: Tim Gunn for the Save

After the long series of recaps made us relive much of the previous episode, this one started with an alarming sight: Tim Gunn in a camouflage suit! Not your army issue number, but a suit done in camo-patterned cloth. Alarming and hideous. But it was a prop, a way to tell us that the contestants were going camping…actually glamping, which is camping with better tents, beds, gourmet meals, etc.

The reactions of the contestants are mixed. Miranda really hopes they get to play paintball because “…I really want to shoot some people.” Ken: “I absolutely hate being outdoors and these mosquitoes are starting to get on my nerves.” But new sponsor Resource Natural Spring Water wanted a setting that would make us all think of freshness and nature in relation to their product. The designs that followed were not particularly water-centred, so I’m not sure if they will think they got their money’s worth.

After a day and night of outdoorsy activities (I’m not sure if that was Ken or Braden screaming like a scared little girl down the zip line…oh, who am I kidding? It was Ken!), the contestants return to Mood to buy fabric for their nature-inspired creations.

Best nature inspiration: Helen’s dead moth in the bathroom sink. Best capitalization on the gay couples theme with very little connection to the glamping trip: Jeremy with his long love letter to his husband, later translated in calligraphy on the fabric of his dress. Pander away, Jeremy. The judges can’t criticize that in any way without losing half their audience.

The critique section of the show is always fascinating. It is supposed to be providing guidance to each designer, but it turns into an occasion for the others to listen in and snicker about any cutting comments Tim might make. There’s also no shortage of cutaway commentary on the others’ looks, like this exchange about Alexandria’s outfit: “Is her whole outfit denim?” “Ya-hah.” Alexandria’s reaction follows from her heading off to sit alone at the glampsite: “I really have no friends here and I’m okay with that.” You just know they are setting us up for one of two outcomes here, a win or an exit for Alexandria.

Jeremy, with his immunity from last episode’s win, is particularly prolific in his commentary. “Alexander’s look is great, but I don’t understand the oil slick tacked to the back.” And on Kate’s: “All I see is a pregnant fairy strapped into a harness.”

Meanwhile, the hapless model (the one who had no hair or makeup at the beginning with unicorn boy) gets to the fitting in midday and Braden has only a collar for her to try on. She must be cursing her bad luck, but at least she gets thoroughly made up and coiffed for the show. (Completed dress above.)

By the time they get to the runway, everyone is dressed, which is good. They are also making such a big deal of the “anonymity” of the runway show this year, but the contestants are not particularly poker-faced or discreet with their reactions and comments to each other. The judges must have to completely block them out to avoid knowing who made what.

Guest judge Allison Williams (from the TV series Girls) is actually quite kind in her comments, so we’ll avoid hers and go with the best of the nasty from the others.

On Karen’s look:

• “She looks a bit trashy to me. It’s a big old muumuu.” (Heidi. And yes, I checked the spelling of muumuu, which is from the Hawaiian.)
• “Is it beach or is it rodeo?” (Nina)
• “The ombré looks like a bit of runny eggs.” (Zac)

On Ken’s:

• “B-O-R-I-N-G.” (Nina)
• “Frog queen.” (Zac)

On Justin’s adventures with glue gun “lace”:

• “Borderline Hallowe’en costume.” (Heidi)
• “Frothing from the hip.” (Zac)
• “She looks like she has a foaming vagina.” (Nina)

I felt bad for Justin on that and everyone gasped when Nina said the “V” word out loud. When he was working on it, his glue gun lace looked nice when it was a half-hidden highlight (in the space between the fabric and as a peekaboo trim), but he really got carried away and the comments, while nasty and over the top, were rather accurate.

Alexandra’s drop-crotch pants, which she revised to call a “pant skirt concept” and which Zac called “poopy pants”, ended up carrying the day. Zac was sold on them as they pooped their way down the runway, I guess. Oh yes, she of the poo-pooed denim and no friends won and has immunity for next week. Wasn’t this one of the possibilities I named at the beginning? Why yes it was. Right again.

Karen cried almost as much as Justin when Justin was selected to be sent home, but everyone got to cry for happy as Tim Gunn stepped in and used his one Tim Gunn Save for the season. That was also an excellent choice, as Justin has been consistently producing lovely outfits right up until going off the glue gun rails this week. Way to go Tim!

PR12E05: Choose Your Metaphors

So late with this! But I have to make myself write it before I allow myself to watch the next episode, so here it comes!

Yet another unconventional materials challenge! I’m beginning to suspect that something is wrong in the state of the show’s relationship with Mood, the fabric store, as they send the contestants to a vintage wallpaper store, a specialty food store and a combination home goods and party store. It’s actually a way for them to make their new sponsor, Lexus, more relevant, as they use the Lexus as inspiration and transportation.

Formation of the teams: Ken, Alexandria and Sue (Team Train Wreck). Ken’s commentary: “I am highly upset. Alexandria talks extremely too much and Sue…she don’t know how to make patterns, she don’t know how to do anything.” Meanwhile, Sue asks if Ken is going to be their chauffeur…why do you ask, Miss Daisy? Everyone else is just happy to not be on Team Train Wreck.

After the shopping, we are “treated” to a timid Sandro coming back to say his final good-bye. He actually doesn’t shout during his whole visit, but several of his [former] fellow contestants manage to make some snide comments about how happy they are that he is gone after he leaves.

It’s all about Team Train Wreck this week. Sue is her usual inept self with respect to all the basics of sewing and pattern-making, which results in her model ducking into the washroom on the way to the runway to sew the shoulder and not have to endure the ultimate wardrobe malfunction in front of us all.

When Tim does his check-in with everyone, Ken is smirking about the critique of his teammates, but gets called on it by Tim, who reminds him that they do have to present a coherent collection. The advice falls on deaf ears (not real deaf ears, figurative ones), as Ken later says “I just need to make sure that Ken has a garment that looks good.” Very team-y that.

If we thought we were going to miss Sandro and the drama he inevitably produced, we found a replacement in Ken. You’ve got to love “I’m speaking now, so I need you to be quiet. I would even suggest you not even to look at me.” That just oozes respect, doesn’t it? Alexandria, in yet another ‘skipped metaphor class that day’ moment, says that working with Ken is like “walking on glass”. Well, maybe it is worse than walking on eggshells, but I think she must have grown up in a tougher neighbourhood than the rest of us if what springs to her mind is walking on glass.

Their fabulous teamwork and meltdown on the runway, each throwing the others under the bus (with the glass, no doubt), led to the ominous pronouncement by Heidi that “one…or more of you will be out.” That calmed them down. In the end, the judges made the wise choice and kept the drama (Ken) and sent home the one who can’t really sew (Sue).

Worst outfit of the week on a designer: Karen and that headband. What was she thinking?!

Favourite (or most trite) lines from this episode:

• “Clavicles are the new cleavage.” Guest judge June Ambrose.
• “It just feels like a cocoon without a butterfly.” Zac Posen on Alexandria’s top.
• “He made a really vavoomy shape on her and it looks automotive.” Zac again, obviously trying to please sponsor Lexus, but stretching a bit if he thought that “automotive” would be a compliment for a dress.

Oh yeah, Jeremy and his adorable accent won (for the “vavoomy, automotive” dress), disproving what I was sure would happen when he predicted a win for himself before the runway show.

Okay, now I can watch the next episode! (Review of that later today or tomorrow!)

Confidentialité et tests médicaux

(The English version of this item is published on PositiveLite.com)

De temps en temps au Québec nous nous désorganisons autour de la question de comment signaler un résultat de séropositivité au VIH aux autorités de la santé publique. Si je ne me trompe pas, le Québec est la seule province ou territoire au Canada où le dépistage du VIH demeure non-nominal, ce qui signifie que le nom de la personne n’est pas associé au résultat lors de sa transmission aux autorités. En 2002, dans le but de mieux surveiller le VIH, notamment en éliminant des doublons de résultats positifs, nous avons changé notre système. Depuis cette date, nous signalons les résultats positifs avec un code unique créé à partir du numéro d’assurance maladie, mais par un système qui ne permet pas de revenir —pas de découverte du numéro d’assurance maladie à partir du code unique. Ceci nous permet un certain regard sur l’épidémie, limité, bien sûr, par le fait que nous ne mesurons que les résultats de tests de dépistage de l’année, ce qui ne nous permet pas de conclure que ces personnes ont été infectées dans la même période ou que nous avons trouvé toutes les personnes infectée durant l’année.

Ce système a été adopté pour satisfaire aux exigences de la Commission d’accès à l’information du Québec (CAI). La CAI a réussi à répondre aux craintes de la communauté tout en trouvant une manière de mieux suivre l’épidémie en éliminant les doublons. Il demeure possible aussi de passer un test de dépistage anonyme, mais très peu de personnes se prévalent des tests anonymes, ou bien très peu de tests positifs sont trouvés par cette méthode.

Mais la question nous revient comme nouvelle controverse chaque fois que quelqu’un propose de changer le système à nouveau, et à rendre le dépistage du VIH nominal. On nous a proposé de rendre le système nominal afin de mieux compter les personnes immigrantes et les demandeurs d’asile, car ces derniers n’avaient pas de carte d’assurance maladie pour être comptés (et seulement une fois) dans le système avec encryptage. La solution était d’adopter un système parallèle qui me laisse avec le sentiment inconfortable que nous avons des protections à deux vitesses, tout comme nous avons un consentement au dépistage à deux vitesses (ceux qui sont ici déjà doivent consentir, les nouveaux arrivants n’ont que le choix entre dépistage et exclusion).

Une de nos objections a toujours été que le fait de rendre nominal les tests de dépistage aurait un effet dissuasif sur le dépistage. Un souci que notre système de santé publique ait des difficultés à maintenir la confidentialité? Pas certain que ça soit valide comme crainte, car mes tests de charge virale du VIH se promènent avec mon nom et le nom du test à faire sur la même étiquette (voir photo prise lors de ma dernière visite au centre de prélèvements). Tout est là et je n’ai jamais souffert des conséquences reliées à la confidentialité ou le partage de ces infos. J’ai confiance dans la capacité de notre système à maintenir ma confidentialité pour ces tests.

J’ai confiance aussi à la confidentialité de la « liste » nominale de personnes ayant été diagnostiquées avec le sida (versus le VIH : le signalement du sida demeure nominal, même si son signifiance est réduit). Mon nom figure sur cette liste depuis mon diagnostique en 1997/1998 et personne n’a frappé à ma porte ni autrement fait signe d’appliquer un traitement différencié à mon égard. Pas de chasse aux sorcières.

Est-ce que tout ça veut dire que je suis prêt à accepter que le dépistage du VIH devienne nominal? Pas du tout. Il se peut que j’aie confiance, comme une personne vivant avec le VIH parmi des milliers dans la métropole, que ma confidentialité soit protégée, mais ma situation et mes expériences m’appartiennent et ne se ressemblent pas nécessairement aux réalités des autres. Si l’état veut cueillir et maintenir plus d’informations sur son peuple, en particulier dans l’ère où certains nt des tendances regrettables de laisser des clés USB dans des endroits moins que sures et d’autres ont développé des capacités hallucinantes d’infiltrer des sites internet, il doit justifier son action. Ensuite, nous pouvons explorer ensemble comment arriver à votre but légitime sans nécessairement empiéter sur la vie privée de tout le monde. Le fardeau dans ce cas est sur celui qui cherche à compromettre cette vie privée et non pas sur la personne désireuse d’une vie privée.

Constatons aussi que nous voyons cette même question dans d’autres circonstances dans les nouvelles. Le monitorage des courriels et autres communications, y compris les historiques de navigation internet, effectué par des agences gouvernementales secrètes, mais avec poursuites criminelles contre ceux qui partageraient des infos cachées ou même l’existence des programmes illicites de surveillance au public…Bradley Manning? Edward Snowden? Si nous sommes appelés à accepter une telle approche de surveillance, pouvons-nous imposer une surveillance au même degré sur nos gouvernements?

Si le dépistage nominal ou quelques autres actions de collecte et maintien de données ne peuvent pas être caractérisées de « complot » d’exposition de nos détails personnels, elles doivent quand même être justifiées. Et cette analyse commence toujours du point de la protection absolue de nos infos personnelles, sauf pour les exceptions qui peuvent se justifier de manière légitime.

PR12E04: Sandrostorm

For the umpteenth time, we were teased with images from the storming out of Sandro. Would this be the episode where it actually happened, or was this a teaser for yet another episode down the line? More later…

A wacky challenge using bows ties as the inspiration, or using the Tie the Knot Foundation — set up to help in the fight for the acceptance of gay marriage across in the US — as the inspiration. Apparently bow ties don’t really come in plain, as they were there in all their scary colourfulness: plaids, stripes, patterns of all sorts. Watch the designers use them in such creative ways as suspenders (Sandro, Helen), straps (Kate) or a loose harness and train combo (Sue). Not really all that creative if you ask me, and all very literally trying to make sure that the bow tie was visible and looked like a bow tie, as opposed to being inspired by the form, the fabric or the idea behind it and heading off creatively. Add to that some judges and contestants in bow ties for the runway show and it was almost enough to make one gag on the literalness of it all — literally!

Strange behaviour…I’ll start with one of the less obvious ones. At Mood, the suggested budget was $200 (we’re practicing managing our money this season), but Sue managed to spend more than twice that. She’ll cast herself in the role of our dearly departed Timothy, diving into the scraps bin for fabric, if she doesn’t watch herself.

Okay, Sandro. When Tim came to give his mid-challenge critique, Sandro began by offering him a new nickname: Top Gunn (I’m presuming the second N there). Tim managed to accept that and have a little chuckle at it, but he clearly is not the nickname type. Sandro rails against judge Zac Posen and wants direction in how to win the contest. Tim’s “be true to yourself” message doesn’t really do it for him. After that little bit of angst, he flits around offering others advice (they probably all do this but the edits only show him this time around).

At the runway show, Sandro is among the safe ones, neither top 3 nor bottom 3. He isn’t satisfied with that and asks for some feedback on his look, which makes everyone gasp at the temerity of the request. Zac obliges by trotting out one of his best challenges to the Michael Kors commentary so far this season, something about a late date, a walk of shame and a ripped dress. I’m surprised Sandro didn’t try to rearrange his face then and there, but he didn’t. Zac would be wise to avoid any dark alleys for a while, though.

The judges also took a special moment out to single out Helen, safe because of her win last week, telling her that she was very lucky to have immunity, because otherwise she would have probably been going home. As a side note, in the category of bad luck for models, her model was the same woman who had to endure Timothy’s no hair no makeup rule in the first episode and then a deflated bust from Helen in the second. She really can’t catch a break!

So now the stage is set for a showdown between Sandro and Helen over who was most hard done by on the runway. Yell, yell, yell, cry, cry cry…even a couple of “YOU’RE out of order” judgments from Ken. Then Sandro exits grumpily and a little violently, pulling down a curtain, knocking over a mannequin as he stomps through what looked like a maze to reach the exit, and finally threatens to smash the camera that was following him and follows through! He has, as the judges politely say later, eliminated himself. So everyone else gets to stay.

Another lovely theme: just how out of touch are we with popular culture? Two winners here. Jeremy commenting that Miranda’s look seems like something from that film with 101 dogs (not very precise for a rather iconic story), and Nina saying that Sue’s dress made her think of Signore Weaver in Alien. Would that be Sigourney Weaver? Apparently Ms. Weaver is not on the upcoming judges list. Nina tries to show us how hip she is later by calling Kate’s pant (there are no plurals here) “sick” in a good way. You so street, Nina!

We did get some old standards back: things were just not “fashion forward” or they were, and there were some lovely moments — words and actions — that merit highlighting:

• Someone’s outfit was called “Punk futuristic geisha” (not in a good way)
• Zac to Jeremy: not comfortable with the “tummy eye” (referring to model’s exposed navel) But didn’t Braden’s winning outfit also expose the navel of his model?
• Zac pulled Sue’s model away from the others by her bow tie train during the “closer look” period
• Braden explains that the method he used to stitch together the ties for his model’s top was called “faggotting” much to the scandalized delight of guest judge Jessie Tyler Ferguson

I could have done without the strange “propose to the camera” thing that Braden did after being named winner, and the subsequent “get proposed to by your boyfriend who didn’t know you had done that” thing. I am SO over marriage being the number one important issue for the gays when there are so many other social problems our community faces that deserve more attention and resources than they are getting.

In any case, I’m bracing myself for the next meltdown. I expect that to come from Helen or Miranda, but it will be more tears and less violence. On the good side, both Dom and Justin keep making very lovely outfits and I expect them to start getting noticed soon.

PR12E03 Milwaukee Meltdown

Heidi woke up our Project Runway contestants and took them to Coney Island for “the” unconventional challenge, although you would be hard-pressed to not characterize the first episode (use the parachute as your fabric) as unconventional. It was time for a team challenge, and we were not to be disappointed in the unlikely pairings! Sandro & Sue and Miranda & Timothy were entertaining in the most uncomfortable ways, but we’ll get back to that, shall we?

First, what they had to do to get to the workroom with something to sew. Two stages: words and actions. In the words part, the teams of two had to give out samples of Yoplait frozen yogurt products (good sponsor recruiting, PR — totally unexpected!) and then record the words used by the “customers” describing their reactions to the products as inspirations for their looks this week. In the action part, they paid for unlimited access to all of the games of chance at Coney Island to win prizes that they would dissect for the material to make their look. Plenty of plastic and faux fur (skinned stuffed toys) with a dash of straw sombrero…very promising for those hoping for something wearable.

Let the drama begin! You might remember Sue as the designer who can’t really sew. I might not have mentioned this last time, but poor Sue is unfamiliar with the sewing machine, having prepared all of her looks that got her to the show by hand sewing them. No time for that here, so she is a non-stop litany of asking others to help her set up the sewing machine, and if she was hoping her partner might accommodate that little handicap she was wrong: Sandro was not having any of that. Of course, he expressed that in his most diplomatic manner (he doesn’t have one of those). One of the other designers called him “unreasonable” and “rude” for how he responded to Sue. I’ll give you rude, but is it truly unreasonable to expect a designer to know how to set up a sewing machine? Their model looked like her nether regions were gasping for air as she walked down the runway flapping the front of the dress as if to get some air down there. She succeeded only in making it stick out oddly.

By far the most uncomfortably entertaining conflict came with the Battle of Milwaukee. In this corner, Miranda, recently out of the army and armed with an unhealthy disrespect for her partner. In that corner, Timothy, dumpster-diving proponent of “sustainable” fashion, because we have to save the forests for the unicorns. They had constant disagreements through the process and ended up with a sad compromise and a faux, painted-over relationship that looked good during the runway show, but soon cracked. Miranda was spouting meanness in the sewing room and didn’t stop when Timothy walked in. He stormed out and went into a back stairwell with a stuffed unicorn (not a REAL one, because they are supposed to have cloven hooves, not be sparkly ponies with horns), and a card from his model from last week expressing her confidence in him. Tears, but enough affirmation to be able to return to the work room.

 Even the unicorn looks disappointed

For her part, Miranda reconsidered her meanness and had a few of her own tears as she choked out a few platitudes about how wrong she had been to say certain things. Oddly — or maybe predictably — she never uttered the word “sorry”. Probably because she wasn’t, really. In any case, at the runway show when Timothy leaned over and said to her “Did we just win?” you knew those were the hopeful thoughts of someone about to have a big letdown. When it was clear they were among the bottom two teams, Timothy unleashed his pent-up anger at Miranda for the judges to see, while she just shook her head and refused to fire back. But her head-shaking was noted.

The winning look, by Kate and Helen, was a fun, sculptural dress made of partly-flattened red straw sombreros, with a bunch of other things we don’t see giving it form and lining it. It was clearly the best thing to walk down the runway.

The runner-up, by Alexandria and Dom, was a monster reassembled as a dress. I mean, doesn’t someone own the rights to that monster look? The kitten being chased image below has been around forever. And whatever happened to the constant critiques of the judges in past seasons that a look was “too junior”? If this didn’t scream I’m six and going to a birthday party, I don’t know what does.

The judges’ outfits. I keep telling myself that this is where I want to focus — on all the outfits not being judged on the show that ought to be — but then I get distracted by the entertaining competition. Heidi is statuesque and beautiful, but she sometimes wears some odd things, even if she makes them look beautiful by draping them on herself. For me this time it was her low-crotch pants (worn at the runway show) that I really didn’t like. Luckily, you really didn’t see the low-crotch effect for long, as she wisely sat on her stool. Nina always looks polished and well turned-out, this week in a top that had both grommets and stripes but still didn't look edgy, only classy. Zac Posen seems only to wear rather conservative suits in luxurious fabrics with a tiny bit of whimsy in the ties. This week, pale suit and white shirt, but with a tie that had little light flowers on a dark background. I liked the tie so much that I didn’t even fixate on the gap in his teeth, at least not as much as I usually do. And guest judge Kelly Osbourne? Very understated, with the exception of that mauve hair that, judging from the length of the roots, she is trying to grow out.

A swipe back at last week’s guest judge, costume designer Eric Daman, who actually wore a blazer in the most ugly camouflage. I might have let that pass, but the beginning-of-episode flashback to last week featured him prominently, challenging me to comment on it. I do as I perceive I am told.

I have to say, though, that Zac Posen is really picking up the slack from Michael Kors in the nasty thematic comment department. He features prominently in my favourite quotes of the week:

• ZP on the look of Alexander & Justin (“Red Hair” and the deaf guy): “It has kelp on the bottom, dorsal fins on the hips and seaweed on the bum.”
• ZP again on the same outfit being deconstructed: “Can you take away her erasers?”
• ZP trying to be cool to the model wearing the monster outfit: “You’ve got to do your rave dance.”
• ZP on Timothy and Miranda’s outfit: “It looks like she sat on a pool toy and it deflated. There’s even a plug on her arm to make that happen.”
• Sandro, demonstrating how evolved he his as a person (paraphrased): “When a woman listens to a man, it’s so cool.”

But by far the best statements came from Timothy as he packed up his space in the work room: “I totally still believe in unicorns. Oh my gosh, I won’t stop believing in unicorns. Ever.”

You go ahead, Timothy. At least we won’t have to hear about that any more.